more surprises

I'm really surprised at how much I am enjoying sharing my pregnancy with my mom. During the early days, she didn't seem comfortable talking about labor and delivery very much (which I am nearly obsessed with), and I think she was intimidated by her own lack of labor experience: I am an only child, a c-section, bottle-fed, and 39 years young. I'm also not one to talk about my body very much with my mom, and early conversations were somewhat stilted. I figured all of this was best discussed with Mr. R (who I thought would be much more interested in my ever-changing body than what has actually occurred) . . . surprise!
My mom's true level of interest was first revealed in her desire to accompany me to my OB/GYN appointments. I was totally fine going alone because not much happens on these visits, certainly not enough to pull Mr. R out of work, but she managed to be very enthusiastic without being overbearing, and we gave it a try. I continue to hope she will see an ultrasound, but so far she has only heard the baby's heartbeat, and when she does, she cries. It's very beautiful.
I can't really remember how she intimated her desire to be with us for the baby's birth; again it was enthusiastic, not overbearing, and Mr. R. said he had no problem with sharing the experience. the choice, he said, was mine, but he did remind me that no one can piss me off quite as quickly or as thoroughly as my mom. Nonetheless, I put it to her. At least she didn't cry this time.
I've talked to several women who would rather kiss snakes than have their mothers present during labor and delivery, and to a certain extent, I get it. One said her mother makes her feel inadequate. Another said she wanted it to be just herself and her husband for the baby's arrival. Et cetera.
For myself, I tend to regard the baby as belonging to our clan more than just to Mr. R and myself, and I am glad to share her arrival with our clan. Or so I thought until I extended the logic of the clan argument to include my mother-in-law and the room started getting very crowded. And annoying. I still haven't closed the door on extending the offer to Mr. R's mom, but I am dead-against dividing Mr. R's attention between managing the crazy moms and helping me. He's with me.
As for the second contention, my mom rarely makes me feel inadequate on purpose. And she has vast experience comforting me. I still remember sick days at home with her as a child, how she could hug nearly anything away, how she knew exactly the "special" food I needed to feel better, how listening to the sound of her voice with my head on her chest, rocking, was the best medicine I ever knew. No one knows how to comfort me like my mom, so it seems crazy not to have her on my birth team.
I asked her to read a book about labor and delivery, written by a middle-of-the-road, experienced ER nurse whose basic message was, "be flexible." Well, she's read every page, and our conversations are so wonderful right now as we both speculate how the labor/delivery will go. In fact, she's speaking the language now, too. I did tell her if she blows in my face (the book advised the helpers to do this as a reminder to breath during contractions) I will push her away forcefully.
My mother is also the keeper of our family stories, and I want Audrey to hear the story of her birth in the special way my mom has of telling forth.