beautiful fool

Which would you rather have: a really smart kid or a really beautiful kid? For myself, I have always admired intelligence and the discipline to apply it. I am attracted to the quirky perspectives most of the uber-smarties I know exhibit, and I love to watch a quick mind at work no matter what the task: a witty retort; a mechanical solution; an esoteric quote from a movie. So, I always thought I wanted the smart kid, so much so that I actually noticed a strong tide of envy roll over me as I was reading recently about a friend's child, a kindergartner reading at college level (seriously), and the problems associated with placing the child on the accelerated track at school or leaving her on standard track and providing "extra stimulation" outside of class. Great problems to have, right? Let me also say that for this particular child, brains v. looks is not an issue: she's gorgeous, too.
And, of course, who wouldn't want both?
But, I now think that my job as a parent isn't to simply want the kid to be the best at everything. No doubt, it would be great for bragging purposes, and it would feel pretty good to say that my kindergartner reads AND does math at a college level - but what of it? As I look back, most of the "brainy" kids from school were stereotyped as such and tried like hell to fit in with the standard track kids until too many failed attempts drove them into wearing their eccentricities like mantles. And not without a healthy dose of condescension.
Still, the beautiful people were tough, if not impossible, to admire. They were also condescending, or stupid, depending upon whose favor they were cultivating. I reasoned that I should not admire them because they had not earned their good looks, but that just makes me a hypocrite. People are born smart, and I admire them. People are born atheletic, and I admire them. People are born musicians, and I admire them. People are born beautiful, and I scorn them. Why? Why, indeed.
Because it really matters what you do with your stuff. If you are beautiful, are you using your looks to manipulate people and situations? If you are smart, are you baiting traps for unsuspecting folks? Hacking into private computers? Devising ponzy schemes? I have rarely seen smart people bahaving badly whereas beautiful people always seem to be working an angle based upon their looks.
I think that rather than want for the smartest or the prettiest kid in the room, I will want for the most reasonable: reasonably intelligent; reasonably attractive. As a parent, I, too, must be reasonable when I emphasize or de-emphasize the value of each. Fast-tracking kids puts a tremendous pressure on them to excel, and this ties their worth up in their accomplishments. Focusing on appearances indicates conditional acceptance (you're worthy because you're beautiful) and might just encourage the kid to take a pass on trying to accomplish anything beyond looking good. Daisy's famous quote from The Great Gatsby springs to mind : "I hope she'll be a fool--that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool... " If I have a beautiful child, she's forbidden from watching that scene. But, that's unreasonable, isn't it?
No wonder expecting parents always say they just want for a healthy baby - beyond that, it's a real quagmire.