siblings, schmiblings

Everyone seems to feel sorry for me because I am an only child, but as I observe brothers and sisters and their complex-usually-caustic relationships, I can only say, "WTF?" My mother hasn't talked to her sister for nearly two years, and this is the calmist period that relationship has ever seen. My father thinks very little of his brother for various reasons, the most likely being they are separated by 14 years and never had much common ground. Also, his parents have always given more (of everything) to his brother, but more on that later. My best friend has a rocky relationship with her sister, and a steady, solid one with her brother. I don't think for a minute she and I have a better relationship than she and her sister; I've observed too many siblings to believe that just because I generally treat her with more love and respect than her sister does that it translates into her liking me better. And, my husband's siblings? Well, lets just say that clusterf/// is the impetus for today's post.
Mr. R is the oldest of three, and if I may generalize about birth order, the older kid mostly gets screwed. Because they are first, the parents are the strictist with the rules which gradually loosen because it's all a parent can do to dress and feed 3 little psychos without having to spend every other minute of every day enforcing rules. The older kid also gets the most household responsibilities. We only think we've moved far away from the days when kids were put directly to work on the family farm, and if parents miss the opportunity to put the oldest on the chore-train, that's their loss. They are expected to grow up a bit faster ("that's not for big kids," "you need to share that toy because you know better," "act your age"). From a kid's perspective, the inequities start as soon as the second kid is born. As they grow up, sure, they can rationalize through it, but it doesn't change the fact that the one who had everything now has to share with a creature who is needier simply by being younger. The only way for the eldest to survive, emotionally, is to grow more independent, and by growing more independent, they cut themselves off from future "fair" treatment with respect to the sibs. Mr. R is much cooler about this than I am, probably because he's had his lifetime to figure out how to cope with it. In fact, his parents actually use his independence as a way to justify their unfairness. They think because Mr. R doesn't "need" anything that it makes it okay to give more (lots, lots more) to the two who are very willing to state their neediness to good ole mom and dad.
But, sometimes he exposes that old wound to me (unfortunately, it just makes me resent his family even more.) Honestly, Mr. R is a go-along, get-along guy, but when he orders the toppings on his pizza, he is absolutely inflexible. Why? Because growing up, he never got to pick the topping for the family's pizzas. Worse, he was allowed to state what he wanted (I mean, they're fair parents, right?), he just never "won" the topping vote because his brother was a whiny little bitch and either wouldn't eat a pizza not of his choice or simply threw his ass until giving him his options was the easiest way to shut him up. Mr. R. didn't try to compete in the bitch fit arena; he simply learned to eat the pizzas his brother chose. And, for his willingness to compromise, he has been rewarded with a lifetime of inequity.
I'm not going to delineate those inequities here. Suffice to say I don't believe I am doing my child a disservice by bringing him or her up as an only child. Mr. R, with siblings, and I, without, both try to honor our friendships (the enduring ones) as we would a sibling relationship. Better, actually.